i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my poor anus
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
