i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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