The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
