i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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