I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
