he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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