Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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