there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What a dumb baby whore.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
