Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
