you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
