no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
