I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
