woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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