I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
