I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
