There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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