ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
