i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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