Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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