I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
