i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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