Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
