What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
