Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
