I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
