can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
