I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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