At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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