i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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