but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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