I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
