Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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