Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
