They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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