I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
