I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
