My balls are so social today.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
