What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
