I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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