Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
