weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
