I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
