lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
