I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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