You're so nebulous sometimes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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