You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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