she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
