Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
