the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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