I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
