You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
