two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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