Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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