I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
