We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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