you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She bit a glass in half.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
