You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
