I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
