It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We have started to decorate penises.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
