you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
