He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
