I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
