I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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