I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
