You're so nebulous sometimes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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