I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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