Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
