My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
