What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
