Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
