Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
