He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
