I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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