we're blogging at a bar
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
