Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
