I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
