Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
