The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
