And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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