Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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