I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
