Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
