I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
