I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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